Meltdown

It started out as a fairly typical morning. Getting myself ready for a day in the office, making breakfast for everyone else, packing lunches and drinking my coffee as I rushed around doing it all. I'd been doing this same routine since forever it seemed. Some days I went to work and some days I didn't but the rest was a constant.

This particular day 5 years ago I was a bit more pushed for time than usual. Our 5 year old had started his day with the sads, needing more cuddles and TLC to get him ready for school. As a result I was late, rushing around and feeling very anxious. My son was eating his breakfast quietly and my husband was setting up his laptop so he could check out the overnight football news while eating breakfast and drinking his coffee, all prepared by me.

WAIT JUST A MINUTE! He was sitting, eating, drinking and reading football news while I tore around doing everything? That was the moment when something inside me broke.

I've never been one to swear or yell or be confrontational in any way at all. I always kept it all inside, locked away. But finally years of anger, frustration, sadness and disappointment broke through the wall I had carefully constructed to hold it all in.

The cupboard door slammed, I rounded on my husband and I started yelling. "I am not your flipping slave!!" Okay that's not the word I used but you get the idea. My rant went on and on for maybe 20 minutes, the pain pushing me to let it all out. Every last bit. And when it was over I sunk to the floor totally spent, feeling empty and lost and very alone. Even now, years later, I can see the look of horror on my son's face at what he'd just witnessed.

My emotional breakdown in 2008 heralded the start of a roller coaster ride of doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists and medications and culminated in the almost total destruction of my marriage and my family. That's another post or five right there.

I am writing this post to set the scene for what came after. To give you a peek into how bad things were so that when you see how wonderful my life, my marriage, my family, my world is now you will believe me when I tell you that it is NEVER too late to change and/or repair your relationships, your health or your life.

I am living proof of that.

A Place to Start

This first post is by no means the beginning of my story, but it's a place to start. It's about me today and why I decided to create this blog.

Today I am in a happy place. My life is great. I have a beautiful family, awesome friends and so much to look forward to. I am filled with enthusiasm for all the small things that make life worth living.  And together with my family I have big dreams for the future.  But that hasn't always been the case. I did lose my way for many years. I mourned for what I didn't have rather than celebrating what I had. I held on to pain as if it were my lifeline and in the process I became not just sad but depressed and angry. What choice did my body have but to give in to illness? None. And that in itself is fuel for several posts alone.

Since I started releasing the pain from my past and forgiving myself and others for that pain I have changed a great deal. All for the better. My little family has grown in strength to become a formidable team able to conquer any challenge The Universe decides to send our way. Each new challenge is met with a confidence I had never known before.

This blog has come about because yesterday I met an inspirational naturopath who is going to teach me and mentor me on my journey to holistic health. After chatting for 15 minutes about why I was there to see him he told me that I "need" to write a book to help people find the courage to face their own challenges as I have faced mine. To help them believe it is never too late to turn it around and find happiness and health in life.

Not knowing how to start on such a massive task as a book I decided to start with a blog and see where it goes.

Thank you for joining me on this journey.