She sat in the busy waiting room feeling
incredibly alone. Her mind kept revisiting the path she had traveled to reach
this moment in her life. Trying not to think of what the next half hour might
hold she preferred to look back. Lost in her thoughts the time passed quickly
and she didn’t hear as her name was called.
Life
was looking really good. After a turbulent ten years almost ending in divorce, Sue
and her husband Paul had been working hard on rebuilding their marriage and it
was paying off big time. Not only were they finally starting to communicate
effectively with each other, along the way they had discovered that they
actually really liked each other as people and were building an awesome
friendship within their marriage.
Paul
and Sue were both career I.T. professionals. In fact that was how they had met
all those years ago, working together on a government project. Working in I.T. was
the last obvious cause of Sue’s recurring anxiety attacks. She only needed
anxiety medication on the days that she traveled into the office with Paul. They
soon agreed that a career in I.T. was no longer a positive influence on her
health and therefore the health of the entire family. So with that, after more
than 24 years in the industry, Sue had resigned. She was ready to focus all of her energy on
building her passion, her paper crafting hobby, into a home business. It was
just a matter of days since she had become officially unemployed.
Sitting
alone in the crowded waiting room Sue was thinking ahead too. There was so much
to look forward to in the next few years. Not only was their little family back
together and becoming happier and stronger than ever, but soon it would
increase in size by one member. The cutest, tiny puppy would soon become part
of their family. At 8 years old Alex had never had a pet at home, other than
fish that is, and her son was radiating excitement like a supernova. They had
first met the litter of pups when they were just 2 weeks old and had visited
twice more since then, when the puppies were 4 and 6 weeks old. It really had
been love at first sight with the curly little girl choosing them every time.
Each time they placed her back with her litter she made her way over again and
into a lap. This weekend they were going shopping for a bed, bowl, collar and
toys for the little girl who had already wormed her way firmly into the hearts
of all family members.
There
was also Sue’s paper crafting hobby. She loved everything about it from the
buying of supplies to dreaming up and creating projects for classes as well as
finished items for customers. Nothing spoke of a day well spent better than ink
stains on fingers and glitter specks on your face! The lovely people she had met through her
paper crafting hobby all shared her passion for paper and ink, glitter and glue
and became like extended family to her. Their friendship and support gave her
the warm fuzzies in a really big way, they were like minds with hearts of gold.
Glancing
up at the clock on the wall she sighed and wondered if she’d get back in time
to pick Alex up from school. Maybe she should send a message to Laura and ask
her to take him home with her after school. Laura’s son was Alex’s best friend
at school and they lived just a block from the school. Yes, she should send
that message before she went in to the GPs office.
Message
sent she got lost once more in thoughts of how she had arrived at this moment
in her life. Her mind went back to the weekend which had been busy but
reasonably uneventful. They had gone out for a lovely family lunch at a local
winery and then caught up on some long overdue jobs around the house. One of those
jobs was moving some furniture between the 2 spare bedrooms. The larger room
was to become her crafting space and though she probably shouldn't have been
lifting the heavy pieces of furniture with Paul, she really wanted to move into
her space. Somehow Sue had managed to hit her right breast and the front of her
shoulder on a solid timber bookshelf. It hurt like holy hell when it happened
but she really didn't give it much thought for the rest of the weekend. When
it was still very painful on Monday morning it did start to worry her a little.
Sue had
been up early as was always the case on weekdays. Even though she no longer had
to prepare herself for a day in the office there was still Alex to get ready
for school and breakfasts to prepare. As soon as Paul had left for work she had
walked Alex up to school and then headed down to the oval for a walk with her
friend Donna. Leisurely laps of the grassy oval and much conversation, sunshine
and fresh air, friendship and freedom, nothing could dampen the happiness of
the day. They had chatted constantly as they walked and Sue had mentioned her
injury and that it was still painful. Donna had volunteered the name of her female
GP as Sue was absolutely not prepared to go to her young, good looking, male GP
and bare all to have a sore spot on her breast checked out. Silly perhaps, but having
preferred female GPs all her life it felt more comfortable. After the walk she
had gone home and phoned, expecting a lengthy wait for an appointment, but was
pleasantly surprised that they had a cancellation. There was an appointment
available the next morning so she had booked herself in.
Tuesday
morning had arrived and Sue cheerfully headed off to meet the new female
GP. Thinking back she wasn’t sure exactly what she had been expecting but
it wasn't what actually happened on the day. Having showed the doctor the sore
spot on her breast, which coincided with what she had assumed was a small patch
of eczema on her skin, she found herself being referred. At the ripe old age of 42 she was told to book
in for her first ever mammogram and possibly an ultrasound to follow. Interesting
how the human mind works but somehow she hadn’t been concerned at all. Not
concerned at being referred for a mammogram, not concerned that the referral
was to a private radiology clinic in order skip waiting lists. It just hadn't
seemed unusual or concerning. When
she got home Sue had phoned the clinic and was told they couldn't fit bookings for
both together but could do the mammogram on its
own the next day. Of course she had taken the booking thinking she could
always go back the following week for the ultrasound if it was required.
On Wednesday
Paul had taken the afternoon off work so that he could drive her to the
radiology clinic (even though she had been more than positive there was nothing
to worry about) and off they had gone, oblivious to what lay ahead. After checking
in, Paul was left sitting in the main waiting room while Sue was taken through
to change into a not very glamorous hospital gown. Once changed, she had waited
alone in a different area until called through for the scan. She shivered
slightly recalling the whole excruciating experience. After the scans were finished and the doctor had
looked them over she’d been told not to get dressed but to sit in the little
waiting area again while they tried to squeeze her in for an ultrasound between
patients. At this point warning bells would have started ringing wouldn’t they?
Nerves would kick in? Nope. Nada. Sue thought they were being very nice trying
saving her the trouble of coming back the following week. It never entered her
mind that something was wrong, very, very wrong. Denial is a safe and happy
place to live.
Ultrasound
over she had been told to change out of the lovely hospital gown, pay the
account and then wait in the main area for the films to be printed. As they
waited in line to pay a nurse had come over with the films and told them not to
worry about the account as it would be bulk billed. What? Was bulk
billing even done in a private clinic? (Sue had later discovered this is often
done for oncology patients). The nurse had said to go back to the GP the
following day for the results. Sue had laughed. Local GPs usually had a wait of
at least a week for appointments, but apparently the radiology doctor had
already spoken to Sue’s new GP and she would definitely see her tomorrow. She
had thought that a bit strange, interesting even, but there were still no alarm
bells ringing. Denial is a crazy place to be.
And so here
she was sitting in the waiting room alone. Paul had offered to come with her, so
had her best friend Kayla, but she’d decided there was no need for hand holding
or moral support, she wasn't sick. So she had come here alone. In a room full
of people she was feeling very much alone. She didn’t hear when her GP appeared
at the entrance to the waiting room and called her name. She looked up as a
shadow fell across her face, “Sue, you can come through now”, her GP was
smiling down at her kindly.
Finally
they were sitting together in a closed office and the doctor started talking
very gently. At first Sue didn't really hear what was being said, didn't
comprehend the words. But looking up into the doctor’s face as she spoke, Sue
started to hear through the haze of denial. When she saw the tears glistening
in the doctor’s eyes, suddenly she could hear her words and understand them:
"I'm
so sorry Sue, you have breast cancer".
